Looking for Something

Looking for Something
Dannielle Griesemer

I had gone looking for something.
Wandering. Walking. Singing. Running. Flying. Fixing. Emoting.

I was looking for something. I needed a new identity.
I was looking for a new leaf.
Where do you find a new leaf?

I went to the forest.
I sorted through leaves, looking for my new leaf.
Purple. Purple. Red. Purple. Pink. Blue. Purple. Blue. Green.
I was looking for something.
New music, people. Power. Control.

You would think that with so many trees, I could find at least one good leaf.
Foul language. Spending money. Wasting gas and time.
I’m in a forest! There are so many trees in a forest.

“Keep going, keep walking.” I haven’t heard that voice in awhile.
“Go deeper. Climb that hill.” I was so tired of looking, but I was too deep to get out.

Suddenly there were less trees. How can I find a new leaf without trees?
I began to panic. Go back, back to the trees. I didn’t look hard enough.
“No. No. Keep going.” But I’m so tired.

There is a field at the top of this hill. No trees. And it began to snow.
This must be some kind of joke.
Then I saw it.

I stopped looking for a new leaf.
Because I found what I was looking for.

A candle, not a leaf. Light, not shade.

“You finally found me” says the voice.
“Where were you when I needed you?” I wailed at the sky.
“I have always been inside you. You hid me in your heart long ago. You forgot me, my child.
Let me out now. Follow me. I will guide your feet.”

So I stopped looking for something.
Because what…no…Who I needed, had always been there.